Antsy Planless Barbie Enters the Chat!
POV:
It’s Memorial Day weekend in America, and you log onto the social media platform of your choosing: Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Snapchat, Youtube, or you are listening to podcasts. The conversation of Memorial Day weekend plans flutters through the air. Suddenly as you thumb through social media, you’re feeling guilty as a twentysomething that you don’t seem to have plans for the long weekend. Everyone else on social media seems to and maybe even some people in your personal life. You could still make plans, but as you check your contact list you remember everyone lives miles or states away. Or is already out of town. Or have plans with their significant other’s families or friends. Because that’s what coupled-up friends seem to do. Hang out with their partner’s families and friends. Of course, they hang out with you too, but in this moment all you can irrationally think about is the times they have hung out with their partner and their partner’s loved ones.
Insecure you exits out of your contacts list thinking “How could you think someone would reserve their holiday weekend for you?” Rational you knows that’s not true, but lonely tears still spring to your eyes and you open your laptop to play your comfort show to try to distract yourself from the existential dread you are now feeling because you don’t have plans for Memorial Day weekend and everyone else does. You press play on your comfort show, but it can’t make your mind forget the irrational fears forming in your head. Because suddenly it feels as if your youth is slipping through your fingers, and there is nothing you can do because well, time ruthlessly keeps going. You can count the years on one or two fingers that you have left that society considers you “interesting” and “beautiful” because you’re “young”. You say the thought doesn’t scare you, but deep down it does. You hope those “few youthful” years you have left are overflowing with fun times and hey, maybe even a jam-packed Memorial Day weekend full of plans is in the cards for you. Plans you can tell your coworkers when they ask you: “Do you have any plans for the weekend?” Plans to proudly post on social media as if to say, “Hey! Look at me! I’m not boring and have fun plans!” Plans that you will scroll through your posts or pictures one day and say, “That was a great weekend.” And proceed to send the pictures to your loved ones reminding them of said great weekend. Plans to tell the stranger you’re messaging on a dating app to keep the stale conversation going. “Yes, yes, yes,” you think to yourself. There is hope, and you think “If I have plans next year, I can get through this planless holiday! Go me!”
As the weekend goes by consisting of working out, going grocery shopping, finishing your book (and starting a new one), texting your loved ones wishing them a fun weekend with all their plans that don’t include you [cause remember you were too far away not because they don’t love you (but make sure to tell yourself that ten times)], eating takeout, drinking the beverage of your choice (water, hot chocolate, wine, beer, hard cider, coffee, tea, Diet Coke, Diet Pepsi, blue juice, Poppi or Olipop (you know those hyped up healthy pops that are all over social media atm), Red Bull, Celsius, a glass of whiskey neat, or perhaps a warlock’s potion) watching your comfort show or binging a new one. You tell yourself you don’t need plans because you have TV show characters as friends! They’re just as good. Aren’t they? You tell yourself yes as you finish your drink.
Suddenly, people online or in your personal life are talking about the rest of their summer plans and their summer agendas! They look a lot more exciting and fuller than yours. They have plans of going to an AirBnB by a lake or a beach or the woods or the mountains with all👏 of👏 their 👏 millions👏 of👏 friends👏! You think to yourself: how do they have that many friends all in the same area? And you think how the hell do you get that!?!?! The existential dread starts creeping up again. But you push it down as you take a sip of your lukewarm coffee, because well, it’s not the weekend yet. You are now at work or in class surrounded by lots of people with a long to-do list that isn’t going to complete itself. Stressing about your weekend plans? That’s future you’s problem.
Suddenly, a random weekend approaches where you and your friends who live in your area have plans! YAY! Plans to hit the town! That calls for another YAY! No plans of short coffee dates or lunches, but plans for a NIGHT! To have the night of nights-TONIGHT! You pull on your outfit of choice. Ripped jeans and a T-shirt? A tight, bodycon dress? A crop top that shows your cleavage and skirt? Whatever it may be, you pull it on with your strappy heels or chunky white sneakers or Converse or Birks or Docs and shove your phone, keys, and wallet into your purse, and grab the bag of alcohol you bought on the way home from work and you’re out the door!
You powerwalk to your car, bike, skateboard, magic carpet, unicycle, fireplace🪄, Uber, Lyft, subway, or whatever form of transportation you’re taking to your friend’s house or apartment where you guys are pregaming. You arrive and maybe you walk through the front without knocking. Or the back door without knocking. Or maybe the side door! Or maybe you have to ring the buzzer and wait for your friend to let you know and you might as well text your friend to inform them you’ve arrived as well.
You greet your friends and you hug and you pour drinks. Your friends tell you to not make them too strong or you tell your friends to not make them too strong. As you sip the mixed drink, seltzer, wine, beer, or cider, excitement bubbles inside you. You👏 have👏 plans 👏on👏a👏weekend👏night👏!!!!!!! In a smexi outfit! Feeling good and buzzed! With your friends! Look at you, hot stuff! You cool bish!
Your existential dread and fear of not having a👏summer👏to👏remember👏(!) disappears as quickly as the drinks do. (But just for tonight😏). You laugh and talk with your friends and maybe you guys play a game! During the game, one of your friends is telling a story of when she had a steamy dancefloor makeout at a wedding when she was a bridesmaid with a groomsman. A story as old as time, but it was still intriguing to hear. Another friend is telling a story of when she and her friend reenacted the Dirty Dancing scene when she was in college, and it was a success. She will show you all the videos. Another friend tells a story of when she and her friends wall-twerked in an alleyway in between bars on a night out when they were in grad school. Your stomach hurts because you are laughing so hard at each story, but an inner thought dances across your mind: have you done fun, crazy things? Suddenly, you can’t think of anything you’ve ever done. You can’t even think of boring, monotonous things you’ve done at the moment. You are worrying about if you are taking enough advantage of your twenties. You tell yourself you are and push the thought out of your mind. Because in reality, you’re👏having👏 so👏 much👏fun (you’re not here to overthink)!
Eventually, you all pile in an Uber or Lyft to the first bar of the night. Or maybe you walk. Or take the subway. The night turns into dancing to fun music, laughing with friends, and taking pictures to capture the mems. Maybe you guys go to one bar or two or three or a club or two clubs. You eat pizza or fries on the way home in the early hours of the morning. You wipe the grease that slicked your fingers from the food on your clothes as you try to unlock your phone and message your friends that you made it home. You type the text out to say, “Thank you for a great night! Love you so much! Need to do again ASAP!!!!!!” (Including many emojis representing inside jokes that formed throughout the night.) You slide your phone back into your purse and hope they respond soon even though you spent the past seven hours with them. Your feet hurt so you take off your heels or Converse or Docs. They can’t be on your feet a nanosecond longer so you climb the four flights of stairs up to your apartment or the couple steps into the front door of your house or your parents’ house barefoot or in your socks. You unlock your front door and toss your shoes in the entry way thinking that joy is overflowing from you, your cup feels full, and nothing can bring you down.
The high from the fun night lasts for about two weeks until you don’t have plans on a weekend night yet again, but everyone else on Instagram stories does. They are out on the town. Or they are on vacation with their families. Or having a cute family dinner. Or they are on a weekend trip. Or they are having a date night with their long-term partner. As you take deep breaths and open the takeout boxes, you tell yourself yet again alone time can be good, and TV characters are good enough friends for tonight.
You’re about to press play on your laptop or turn the TV on, but oh wait! You hear something! What could that be! Could that….be…your…phone ringing? Do you actually have your sound on? You lunge across your bed or couch and fumble under your sheets or cushions for your phone that loves to hide from you. And with seconds to spare you have time to slide the bar and answer the phone call. You chat with your mom, dad, sister, brother, friend, sneaky link, eighth-grade crush, or whoever decided to randomly call you. You two had such a great talk, and it made your night. You suck in your breath and say a silent prayer of thanks that you had your sound on and you heard your phone ringing. After many hours of talking, you hang up the phone with a huge smile on your face and fall backward in bed, and check the time on your phone. It’s late (whatever late means to you), and you can now go to bed. You, my friend, are safe. For tonight, anyway. No lonely night for you with only TV show characters for company. You pull on your pajamas and make a mental note to call your loved ones more often.
Days and weeks pass by as does the summer. You find yourself looking through your camera roll and maybe you didn’t have plans every weekend, but you still did things and had a lot of fun. You might have traveled to a new place whether that be a new continent, country, state, or area. Or bought a new car. Or moved out of your parents’ house. Or moved into a new apartment. Or into a house. Or tried a restaurant or coffee shop that you had always meant to try, and you finally did it (yay you!). Or finally learned how to cook! Or learned to like salads. Or finally finished watching the TV show that everyone had been bugging you about for years. You might have run a half-marathon. Or you might have stayed consistent with working out. You might have been promoted or got a new job. Or read a lot of books. Or started the creative project that you’ve always been meaning to start. Or you might have been a bridesmaid in your friend’s wedding and never been so grateful to be a part of something. Or just attended a wedding that was super fun! Or you might have visited your hometown and walked through Walmart with your parents remembering when it used to be your least favorite activity, but now, it was oddly relaxing and nostalgic. Or gone on vacation with your family or partner or friends.
But you…no no no, this one (😉) time I mean me (your friend👋] I might have danced with my friend at a music festival as we hugged and jumped up and down. I might have danced under a New York City club’s flashing lights with my Birks sticking to the liquored-soaked floor. I might have had some great times at work. I might have kayaked through a lake with my mom and sisters. Or I might have gone to a Yankees game with my dad and brother, and they won! And I might have thought I was dreaming when they started playing Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York”. But this summer, I did not learn how to like salads. Maybe next summer or maybe never.
Whatever you (now we are back to you!)-did this summer, tell me-I would love to know❤ but no matter how big or small it was, be proud of yourself.X
And maybe lay off the scrolling a bit. But that time I’m actually talking to me👋. Not you. I promise. Unless you want me to be, then well, lay off the scrolling too. X
